Catching up on life

My Second Summer

It’s been way too long since I’ve posted anything to this blog and so much has happened. I think about you, blog, all the time. I’ve missed posting. After all, this is my therapy and its free!

Let’s see...

• I have a job. And I really enjoy it.
• I have a new puppy. And I love him to pieces.
• I still miss my Ellie girl.
• It’s summer again.
• I’ve turned 50!
• Had so much fun in NYC with my BFF.
• My dad has dementia and now living in a nursing home.
• Dealing, helping, coping with elderly parents.
• Tried to grow summer squash and tomatoes – no success.
• Won two accounts!
• Have continued with my small group – joy!
• Started to clean out my parent’s house (with lots of help).
• Upset my mother.
• Surprised by the fact that my mother may be sentimental (and will never admit it nor admit she misses her husband of 55 years and is lonely).
• Planned a trip to Italy and will soon be on vacation - can't wait, I love Italy.
• Saw my dad with facial hair – beard and mustache – and he looks good!
• I continue to miss people who have been part of my life and don’t see as often as I would like.
• I am challenged and motivated by Andy Stanley’s messages.

I could go on and on, but these are the highlights. 

What’s going on with you? What have you been up to for the past few months? Life sure has a way of making itself interesting!

Write me/Post something!

You don't know what you don't know!

"To know what you know and to know what you don't know, that is real wisdom." - Confucius
I'm trying to know what I don't know - then maybe I will have real wisdom. That is what I seek. 

Let's get focused!

One of my friends shared her goal categories (a.k.a. New Year's Resolutions) with me. I thought they were really good categories so I'm sharing them with you. I also included what my goals are for this year so they might inspire you. Or, maybe you've already done these and can help me achieve them.

I'm tackling two categories for each post. Too much to think about and read in one post.

• Family: 
• Mom & Dad: This is the year, I hope, that we move (or at least convince) my mom to move to Pittsburgh and to sell their house. Once she's convinced she'll tell my dad they're moving. My dad turns 85 at the end of January and mom will turn 89 in June. My mom is legally blind and my dad's hearing, reaction time, walking and depth perception is way off and getting worse -- and he drives. The combination of their age and health concerns, this is a disaster waiting to happen. Mom and dad are both stubborn. This is a difficult sales job for us. Please pray that my sister and I have the wisdom to say what is needed and my mom and dad's minds soften and their ears hear what needs to be said. More phone calls with my sister.
• Sister, brother-in-law, & nieces: To spend more time with them this year. Add at least one more visit/vacation to the year. Most years we see each other in the summer at Hilton Head, SC and in Pittsburgh, PA for Christmas/New Year's. Hopefully we will get together at Easter, a college graduation or another time. It's getting more unlikely we will all be together again because of college, school and work schedules but I'm hopeful we can see at least one of the nieces this year. 
• Husband & sons: Schedule a family vacation this year. Visit Josh in Charleston. Have at least one husband/wife get-away this year (not included in any of the above). Las Vegas would be great, West Coast too, but Italy would be even better (I already did our itinerary and hoping this will be one of my 50th birthday trips).
• Grandparent outlaws: Fly Zack to visit with his grandparents in Texas this year. 

• Professional: Get hired! Find a good job that I really enjoy doing with great people. One that will allow me to afford the lifestyle I desire. And, will give me time to volunteer and have a good personal/professional life balance. Ideally one that is fulfilling and meaningful, but if I can continue to volunteer, I think I'm okay with just being fulfilled and enjoying what I'm doing.

Upcoming categories for us to think about:
Financial, Spiritual, Social, Physical, Mental, Emotional.

Let me know if you have any New Year's resolutions. Do you keep them? How long do they last? What are your tricks to keeping them?

My personal vision statement.

I've been thinking about this for several months now and think I've finally crafted my vision statement. To start the year of right -- and the rest of my life!

My vision statement:
I will be as busy as I can, but will have a balance between my personal, professional and spiritual time.

For my professional time: My best work is being a part of a team - collaborating with other team members. I enjoy working with creative smart people. I enjoy being part of successful outcomes and making a positive impact on meeting an organization's goals. I will associate myself with people who ask "why" and "why not" so I am being challenged and can learn.

I will find my personal enjoyment by reading and learning, home improvement projects, taking trips, eating and drinking good food and wine, and having a canine companion. I will travel internationally, as well as domestically, and will see the world.

I will find opportunities to use my natural talents and gifts such as leadership, courage, and self-assurance. I will live my faith as best as I can and will always strive to gain wisdom from the Bible. My achievements will be found only through God's grace and asking him for guidance.

I will be a person with a small circle of friends and family. I will make enough money to be debt free (except for a mortgage), be generous with gifts to nonprofits and my family, and save for retirement.

My most important future contribution is to help my son reach his potential with the incredible talent he has. My most important future contribution to others is to be an exceptional leader and helping other's be their best.

My life's journey is to help others achieve their goals and to have a strong relationship with God.

What's in a Name?

I'm in the process of reading Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends & Influence People. So far its mostly common sense, but I'm only in Part 2 Chapter 3. So far I've learned:

Part 1 - Fundamental Techniques to Handling People

• Principle 1: Don't criticize, condem or complain. Here's my editorial take on this: If you have something negative to say, don't say it. Figure out a way to turn this into an opportunity for positive reinforcement -- focus on the positive. Bit your tongue. If you have to write it down (the bad stuff) and then shred it, erase it or burn it. Nothing good comes out of criticizing someone. 
• Principle 2: Give honest, sincere appreciation. See my Thank You Part 2 post. 
• Principle 3: Arouse in the other person an eager want. This one is a little more challenging (at least for me it is), you have to think about this before acting on it. If you want someone to do something, you need to make them want to do it. Highlight their strengths on why the task is meant for them. The key here is really seeing things from the other person's point of view (not yours). This is probably best demonstrated in a cover letter to a potential employer - how can you solve their problem so they will hire you? According to Dale, "Each party should gain from the negotiation." 

Part 2 - Six Ways to Make People Like You

• Principle 1: Become genuinely interested in other people. I worked on this over the holidays - I asked a lot of questions and let my conversations revolve around others and not myself. I'm going to continue to do this and see if it works - so far, the conversations have not turned back on me. It's true, most everyone does like talking about themselves!
• Principle 2: Smile. I'm really working on this too. I remind myself as often as I can. I now consciously think about smiling when I'm walking around in a store and try to smile at people in the isles (hope they don't think I'm crazy) and I usually get a smile back. 
• Principle 3: Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language. I'm reading this chapter now and thought I'd get your take on this too. I personally don't like my name and I don't really think I think more of others if they use it. I do try to remember and pronounce a person's name I just met because I do think that's important - but is it really that sweet to hear your name? 

What are your thoughts on Principle 3? When I finish the chapter I might have more insight, but right now the jury is out. Dale is a lot smarter than me on this subject so I'm keeping an open mind. Do you like your name? Do you like others more if they use your name?

Hope you're having fun!

"People rarely succeed unless they have fun in what they are doing." - Dale Carnegie

"Thank You" - Part 2

A few weeks ago I posted about how saying "thank you" can make you live longer. Saying "thank you" actually makes YOU feel better as well as the person you say "thank you" to. At the time, I didn't realize how life changing it really can be.

Andy Stanley has a powerful message about this that I hope you'll watch. But most of all, I hope you'll take his advice. http://www.northpoint.org/messages/i-owe-who

I can't stop thinking about this simple (or at least it should be simple) task. I know life's not simple and sometimes stopping to say "thank you" to someone important in your life isn't that easy. Sometimes you have to swallow your pride.

Dale Carnegie is a strong believer in this too. In his "How to Win Friends & Influence People", Carnegie cites many prominent business leaders such as Andrew Carnegie and John D. Rockefeller as using this as their secret to success. They sincerely appreciated and encouraged the people they worked with and knew.

One passage in his book really struck a cord with me, "We nourish the bodies of our children and friends and employees, but how seldom do we nourish their self-esteem?" It seems there should be some daily requirement for feeding self-esteem just like there is for eating fruits and veggies.

So during these holidays and as a New Year's resolution, remember to say "Thank You" as often as you can and be sincere. Those two simple words are words of encouragement and feeds self-esteem. I believe for both you and for the person you are thanking.

Here are just a few of my thank you's to publicly recognize the people that have helped me on my journey:

• First of course, God. He laid out a great life path for me that I didn't recognize until now. 
• To my husband, Jimmy - thank you for supporting me all these years. What stands out most is taking on so much while I was going to college to get my degree. Zack was still young and Jimmy did a lot of "dad" things for me. And now today, while I look for a job that I will truly enjoy and where I can make an impact. (He's being very patient). 
• To my friend and most recent boss, Debbi - she is someone I aspire to be more like. She is the most righteous person I have ever met. Thank you for being the best mentor anyone could hope to have. I am so blessed to have our paths cross. 
• To my friend Mari Lynne - thank you for being my friend (since second grade) even when I didn't deserve to have you. I know I wasn't there for you (for many times) when I should have been. You've accepted me as I am. 
• To Ron. This may be the hardest thank you, because he is such an arrogant a**h*** (this is nothing he doesn't know already). He hired me years ago and provided me with a solid foundation of professional knowledge and paid me a lot of money doing it. 
• To my Mom. Thank you. I turned out pretty good. 

Who should you thank? Probably someone you take for granted.

Live your life as you imagined it to be.

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined." - Henry David Thoreau

Good manners can help you live longer.

One of my favorite things to do, is to go out to dinner. I enjoy sitting in a booth next to my husband, reading the menus and thinking how delicious my meal will be, someone waiting on our every need, and best of all - taking our dirty plates away. My husband would say, dessert is his best part of eating out.

My husband and I have always been thankful for good servers, saying "thank you" for everything they give us - a refill on our waters, a pour from our wine bottle, more olive oil, etc. We like good service and really appreciate and enjoy exceptional service. We are generous tippers and never tip less than 15% (even when the service is terrible). We have friends that are servers and know they depend on tips to pay bills and make ends meet. Their job is not an easy one. They have to pretend to be happy even when they are in a bad mood and nice when they have the rudest customers (and we have definitely seen some very rude and stingy customers).

I'm sure servers like getting good tips and even happier when they receive cash. But I would bet they would enjoy their jobs more if people said "thank you" more often and genuinely appreciate their time and effort. Many studies have shown that being appreciated is a better motivator than money - not sure they surveyed servers, but I'm sure it would make it easier to go to work if they knew more people would say "thank you" and really appreciate the work they do.

According to Goldie and her researchers, saying "thank you", expressing gratitude, actually makes YOU "happier, kinder, more generous to others, better able to cope with stress, and less lonely"! And it doesn't cost anything and only takes a second or two to express. Goldie also writes, "In all, thankfulness adds an average of seven years to our lives." I find that amazing.

Next time you are at a restaurant - take out or sit down - remember to say "Thank You" and you may just live another seven years longer!

How else do you show your appreciation to your servers and restaurant staff?

A Salute to our Veterans.

I can't help not being a little self serving in this post - so full disclosure... As some of you may know, I served in the US Navy for almost five years (1980-1985). It was one of the best experiences I've ever had. We were not at war. Times were different. 

I entered the military at the end of summer following my high school graduation. I made my decision when I was in 10th grade. I don't know what prompted my decision, but I was unwavering once I did -- and it was an almost instantaneous decision. It wasn't something I pondered for long. I just knew that's what I needed to do. 

The military helped me to mature. I am very proud of my service to this country, but I am very uncomfortable in being recognized for this service. Perhaps it makes me unique (not many women serve), but certainly not special. 

I salute the men and women who make this decision and commitment -- especially during times of war and conflict. The service people killed defending our country and the values Americans hold dearly have made us the country we are today. Many sacrifices of human life have been made. Families have endured incredible heartache because of this service.

Service in the military is definitely a calling. It is not meant for everyone. So I salute the men and women who have served and will serve and to those families and friends that support this commitment and calling. Thank you!

Photo: 10 February 81. Graduation from USAF Technical Training School, Chanute AFB Illinois. AGAR Sanden 

Feeling sorry for myself.

Over the past week or so, I've been feeling a little down. I didn't get a job that I wanted. It wasn't THE job I wanted, but it was a job that had a lot of pluses. Very little commute, a place where I already had two friends, lots of new and fun opportunities, and a job that I knew I could do. But it lacked the one thing I really wanted in a job -- a place where I could get a tingling sensation of knowing I made an impact on someone's life. Sure, I spinned the job in a way that I could make an impact, but wasn't what I'm really looking for.

Maybe that job doesn't exist - or at least not where I'm looking. What I'm really looking for in a job is to be able to experience moments where someone touched my heart because of what I helped make happen. They don't even have to remember me or know it was me, but I want to see happiness as an outcome.

Several months ago, I was so confident that God told me my new calling or my purpose in life. It wasn't a drastic change from what I was already doing as a consultant, but it was a change. I've focused my job search trying to find that calling. Now, months later I still don't have a job. Maybe I didn't hear God at all, I just thought I did.

I pray an awful lot these days trying to find answers and to hear God speak to me again. I know sometimes He is inattentive, uncooperative and/or late. http://northpoint.org/messages/when-god, but I'm still not feeling the love. I know I'm being irrational. I know God has a plan. I know if it was meant to be it will happen - but please God, give me direction.

What's a girl to do?

Stop the Sunday night madness!

I can't believe I still struggle with falling asleep Sunday nights. I can't seem to shut my mind off. There is no other night of the week that causes me so much grief.

I no longer have thoughts about work and all the projects and deadlines that need to be met on Monday and the entire week - thank goodness. But now I have other thoughts that race through my mind. I keep myself awake rethinking through things.

As I mentioned a few weeks ago, I'm reading The Purpose Driven Life and every day I have a new challenge to think about and overcome. The book is definitely thought provoking. My most recent tribulation is remembering my childhood. Why you ask? Because life is about having relationships. I'm trying to recall if something happened with my sister. My sister is 3 1/2 years older than me - four school years. Some of my first memories are kindergarten. I can remember having my shadow profile being done, taking naps, and my kindergarten class room. I can even remember two of the girls in my class (I think). But I can't remember going to school with my sister. I have memories of first grade and second grade as well -- the only grades where my sister would be in the same school as me.

We took summer vacations every year as a family. I remember her being there, but I can't remember playing with her - ever. I remember summers in our neighborhood. We had so many kids on our block that there was always someone to play with. I'm pretty sure we both played cowboys and indians, kick the can, and Frisbee dodge - but I can't ever remember being close to my sister. I know nothing bad happened, or at least I'm pretty sure I'd remember having a fight with her.

Even as adults we aren't that close. I wish we were. I love my sister, but we don't share secrets or life's challenges or celebrations except for the one or two times a year we're together. We talk on the phone, but not often.

So, I have two challenges: 1. How do you get close with someone? 2. How do you shut off your Sunday mind?

Just three essential things

"Three grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for." - Joseph Addison


My something to do: 

• a job
• taking care of my house and property
• taking care of my friends and family
• helping as many people as I can reach their goals. 

My something to love: 

• God
• My husband
• My sons
• My dog
• My family
• My friends
• Nature.

My something to hope for:  

• A job that I enjoy doing
• Being able to travel
• A healthy comfortable life.  

What are your three essentials?

Holding my tongue.

I have a problem. I've been working on this problem for a while, but don't think I've come anywhere close to improving on it. I have a problem holding my tongue. I am sometimes blunt. And sometimes rude. I really do not intend to be rude -- it's not like I plan it or want to hurt someone's feelings. I just say things that I probably shouldn't or should be worded in a more subtle or kinder way.

I've been reading Proverbs every day for the past few months, in hopes of gaining wisdom and restraint. Here's a few verses that I have highlighted, underlined and/or asterisked.

• Proverbs 10:19b: "...he who holds his tongue is wise." 
• Proverbs 17:28: "Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue."

One piece of advice comes from one of the books I'm reading and that is to constantly think of God. If I can keep saying these verses in my head or keep saying to myself "say nothing, keeping your mouth shut", I should do better and sometimes I do. I'm trying to form a new habit and shutting down the old one - it's just taking longer than I hoped. 

That's why I rely on my friends to keep me in check. Call me on me being rude.  Proverbs 19:20: "Listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the end you will be wise." That is what I am counting on. 

Any other ideas on how to change this habit/impulse? I'll take all the advice I can get.

Re-creating Happiness!

I know some of us are more happy than others and unfortunately I do know a few very unhappy people. It's hard to change an unhappy person into a happy one, but I think you can work on it and make yourself happier (if you want to).

I know sometimes life can get you down and sometimes you dwell on unhappy thoughts - but you need to stop that. Being unhappy can make you sick and not much fun to be around. And who really enjoys being unhappy -- don't we want to be happy? Don't we want to laugh and enjoy life?

I discovered that I naturally practice one of the ways of re-creating happiness. I was reading chapter 10 in 10 Mindful Minutes, and Goldie suggests "memory building". According to Goldie, "each time we look at them [photos], we experience the happiness we first knew."

One of the first things I did when I bought my MAC was to upload as many vacation photos as I could. My screen saver rotates through my photos when I'm inactive. I love reliving the happiness as each photo pops up. It also strengthens my memory since I have to recall when, where, what and who in the one second the photo was taken and to do this quickly before the next photo pops up. My vacations are if they took place just minutes ago.

I love to travel and I find I am happiest when I'm off enjoying life without a thought of work in my mind and only a schedule guideline to dictate my day. By capturing my happiness in a photo, I ensure that I will remember it forever and can re-create it whenever I want to.

I haven't skied for years (not since I discovered Europe as my go-to place), but one of my happiest vacations took place at The Canyons, UT. It was a family trip plus one (Josh brought a friend) and our boys were grown. One reason this vacation was a happy one, was I saw my sons happy. They really enjoyed snowboarding and I was pretty impressed at how good they were. On one run I remember Zack passing me at the speed of light!

(The photo was taken at the base of one of the mountains at the end of the day. Zack, me, Jimmy, Josh, and Matt (Josh's friend). 


Let me know how you re-create happiness. I'll have several more posts on this topic in the coming days.

Be happy and pass it around!

Why haven't I done more?

UGH! I hate regrets and luckily I have very few. In fact, I probably couldn't even tell you what they were exactly, but I know I've said some things wrong in the past. Things I wish I never said, but once said can't be taken back. I'm working on not being so impulsive when I talk, but this is an impulse I've developed over the years and one that will take a long time to reverse or to create a new path in my brain.

Those really aren't the regrets I'm talking about in this post. In Andy's message (part 6) on September 25, 2011, www.northpoint.org/messages/recovery-road he spoke about Entitlement or feeling Entitled. I've been thinking about this message for a couple weeks and today in chapter 6 of The Purpose Driven Life the same message appeared. The Bible verse is Luke 12:48b: "From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked".

I have been blessed with so much. I am not rich, but I have more than I need. My regret is, I don't think I've done enough or given back enough. I hope it's not too late. I hope I still have the opportunity to be more generous.

I've always been generous with my "talents" or at least in my professional life. I've devoted 20 years to helping nonprofits meet their goals. But, that's not enough now. In fact, that is one of the reasons why I'm searching for a position at a nonprofit and not at an agency or as a consultant. I feel I can make a greater impact if I can focus on one mission instead of six or even two.

I hope that God's plan is for me to find a position where I can put my talents to better use.

I don't feel like I've been generous enough with my money. I don't give 10% away to nonprofits. I'm generous with family, but not with strangers and I think that is what that verse is talking about. I give, but not enough. I hope once I find a new job, I'll be able to change that.

Do you think you've "given" enough? Is there capacity for more? Any regrets?

Smile

"We shall never know all the good that a simple smile can do." -Mother Teresa 

Mindfulness

I'm about halfway through a new book by Goldie Hawn, 10 Mindful Minutes. I've used this practice for years going to sleep at night, but never thought about using it during my workday or during other stressful times in my life. It is very much like meditation but they suggest three times a day for three minutes at a time -- supposed to be more beneficial than just 10 minutes once a day.

In my last job, this practice would have been very useful. I am going to try to create a habit in my daily life - I'm adding this to my list (which keeps getting longer and longer). Not only will this help you be more thoughtful, but it can help you learn better, reduce stress, be happier, and control your emotions. Something I know I can use.

Goldie and her team of doctors and scientists highly recommend this for parents and their children to use -- especially effective for 7-12 year olds. They cite some incredible stats from their MindUp research. Our kids are definitely growing up in a world unlike the one I grew up in. I don't think I ever felt stressed out when I was growing up and for that I am so thankful.

For all you stressed out people: close your eyes, breath deeply for three minutes and try not to think of anything. Repeat two more times in your day. I hope this works!

What do you do to relieve your stress? Any other helpful hints for us stressed out people?

Make it better!

"When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too." - Paulo Coelho

I am not a morning person!

For the past several weeks (perhaps even more than a month), I've been thinking about attending the Northpoint Community Church C3G http://www.northpoint.org/jobhelp (a network for people looking for a job). But, it's at Monday morning at 7:45am!

For those of you who know me (well?) - I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON. I am at my most productive when the sun goes down. Yes, I still get a lot done during daylight and Yes, I can get up early and make a flight or meeting, but as a general rule: I don't like getting up early and having to show up somewhere. I don't know why, but like Lady Gaga says "I was born this way". I hate talking, I hate being personable, I hate my routine being disrupted, and I will be argumentative if talked to, etc., etc.

I still recall running to my elementary school every morning and just making it before the bell. Thank goodness the school was a block and a half away. My grandmother and great aunt must have hated the responsibility of getting me up in the morning.

Anyway, it's late Sunday night and before I doze off I pray. I tell God, "If you want me to go to C3G, please make sure I wake up in time.

Monday morning, 6:15am - I'm wide awake (no physical alarm, just God). Well, it looks like I'm driving to Northpoint. I should mention - it's a one hour drive. I'm not happy about it, but I know God has a plan.

I got home around 11am and not sure why I went. Nothing really happened. I did meet seven new interesting women, exchanged our stories, registered for the C3G digital network, and enjoyed a good cup of coffee. But why?

God has not revealed that yet, but I know he will in time.

I can say (and maybe this is why or part of why), one of the resources that was sent to us as members was an article that mentioned the book by Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life. I have a copy of that down in my basement. I haven't read it yet. It was given to me by my mother-in-law. (Side note: I have never met my real mother-in-law. My husband's mother died before we met. I affectionately call Bea my mother-in-law because I do love her very much. She happens to be my first husband's mom and Zack's grandmother. She is my out-law-mother but I care to much about her to refer to her like that.)

Today, I went to the basement and found my copy. Bea sent us this book eight years ago, October 27, 2003. God knew I'd need this book sometime, I just wasn't ready years ago.

Page 5: According to Rick Warren, "It is no accident that you are holding this book." WOW! I made the covenant tonight that I would devote the next 40 days to reading and studying this book.

So many threads are coming together on this journey.

When you look back on some events, do you see where God played a hand in what happened?