I think I copped out on my #1 post. Here are a few things that are wrong with me and probably contributed to my employer wanting a change:
1. I didn't try hard enough to work the problems out directly. They were "fought" at a higher level.
* I had two difficult people to work with. When I say difficult - they were difficult for me (and I suspect several others). Some people didn't have a problem with them, but I did. Both were department heads. I respected each of their talents but not the "leaders" they were supposed to be. There are similarities between the two of them: Both highly passionate (high strung), both most often said "we can't do that, we're short staffed, we have too much to do, you're not giving us enough time to do that". I could have used all three of those arguments myself, but never did. Unfortunately for me, every time I (or my team) did something, they would go running to a C-level person (same person by chance) and complain. I will not take this approach in the future.
2. I let them get under my skin - I let them get to me. Sometimes I just couldn't keep my mouth shut. I don't think I was ever unprofessional, but I wouldn't back down. I wouldn't give in. I'm not sure what was the right thing to do would have been (in my heart, I still think I did the right thing). I always fought for what I thought was best for my client, not what was best for the agency. I am working on this in my personal and professional life. I am trying to gain wisdom and often that comes with my silence - think things through.
3. Probably biggest of all, I went to their staff. They both had talented staff and they never gave those four canned responses. I truly hope it wasn't because of my title or position. I think they felt it was the right thing to do for the client as well. I will not do this again, unless I talk to their supervisor first.
4. I trusted a C-level person that was also an "Empire Builder". This person looked after their own - and I wasn't one of the chosen. I didn't go with the flow. I didn't bend to the process. I didn't bend to the cookie cutter, highly profitable, low operational impact mantra that they wanted. Trust is a tricky thing. I need more wisdom on this.
5. I couldn't play the game. I usually can, but it went against my better judgement and my character "flaw". I fully embrace that I need an environment that has few restrictions. For the most part, I can work within the guidelines, but if I know something can be done - then why can't we do it?
6. I did not embrace the new process. The process became a monster (in my eyes), more training, more time, more restrictions, more constraints, more "that's your job, not mine". And they were getting ready to implement another software system after I left. Every year they added another "efficiency improvement". Like we worked in a manufacturing plant, not customer service. UGH, I couldn't stand it. It was another example of empire building.
I'll share more faults in future posts, but these are directly related to my career. I'm trying to find the right job that's meant for me. I've identified a few cultures that aren't for me.
What culture do you thrive in? Or which ones aren't right for you?
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
One thing leads to another (Part 2)
I love Facebook. I never thought I would, but it's nice to reconnect to people you know, to people you sort of know and people you used to know.
Because of one of my Facebook friends (can I give you a shout out?), I'm participating in an online book club. I love to read, so I thought it would be fun to join. Our first book was by James Frey, The Final Testament of the Holy Bible. Interesting book with parallels to The Bible.
Which led me to: Well, my friend mentioned she might have to purchase The Bible for Dummies to help her get through the book. After I read the book, I went out and purchased The Bible for Dummies. It's been very helpful.
Which led me to: So now that I've made it to "The Book of Proverbs" - the chapter that according to the authors are "words to live by", I've decided to follow along in the Bible.
Which leads me to: I have editorial content in my Bible. According to the editorial author, he has a friend who reads Proverbs every day of every month - which coincidentally has 31 chapters. One chapter for every day of the month! According to the editorial author, he swears his friend gets wiser every year.
Which leads me to: I'm going to try to do that too. I need more wisdom. I need more guidance. And I want to live my faith better. Check back with me in a year!
P.S. Thank you Tracey!
Because of one of my Facebook friends (can I give you a shout out?), I'm participating in an online book club. I love to read, so I thought it would be fun to join. Our first book was by James Frey, The Final Testament of the Holy Bible. Interesting book with parallels to The Bible.
Which led me to: Well, my friend mentioned she might have to purchase The Bible for Dummies to help her get through the book. After I read the book, I went out and purchased The Bible for Dummies. It's been very helpful.
Which led me to: So now that I've made it to "The Book of Proverbs" - the chapter that according to the authors are "words to live by", I've decided to follow along in the Bible.
Which leads me to: I have editorial content in my Bible. According to the editorial author, he has a friend who reads Proverbs every day of every month - which coincidentally has 31 chapters. One chapter for every day of the month! According to the editorial author, he swears his friend gets wiser every year.
Which leads me to: I'm going to try to do that too. I need more wisdom. I need more guidance. And I want to live my faith better. Check back with me in a year!
P.S. Thank you Tracey!
Fearless Inventory #1 (Self awareness)
So why am I unemployed? Some people would say I was fired. But I don't like saying that, because I don't really feel like I was - I was let go (and it was mutual). I know that sounds like a cop out, but the reason I was let go was because my team had suffered so many changes in the last 18 months that they felt a change in leadership might put the team back on track.
I know this sounds like I'm making excuses (I am, I admit it). We had such a very difficult 18 months. Two team members on maturity leave (different times), one member out on family leave (twice), on-boarding three accounts (two at the same time), new staff member to handle new account, existing senior staff member transferred to another team, new staff to replace old staff, team merged with another team (their leader left to pursue another opportunity), new required system to learn, one staff member left agency, etc. YES, that is change! On top of that, we had a senior department head leave the agency (one that I depended on a lot to help us meet our client's needs).
I fully admit - I am NOT superwoman. I tried for a long time, but wasn't good enough in the end. That is a hard admission to make (especially for me). By the time March rolled around, I started to cry. I have never cried because of work. This wasn't just tears - this was full out crying. I never did cry at work thank goodness - but I'd cry in the car or at home. It would just hit me. I was so miserable. I knew I couldn't continue, but how could I let myself down (admit that work got the better of me)?, how could I let down the people that depended on me most (my wonderful team)? how could I let my husband down, my boss down, my clients down? I couldn't leave.
There were many reasons - dedication, loyalty, still liked what I was doing, who I was working with, my clients, but probably most the fear of looking for a job. Putting myself out there. I'm sure others feel this way - does anyone like looking for a job? Fear of not paying the bills, fear of not finding a place that wants me, fear of not finding the right job for me to be happy. These are scary times.
In the end, I didn't have a choice. God made that choice for me because he knew I would put up with the misery for years. So how do I fix this fault of mine? How do I recovery from this weakness? I pray everyday that God gives me the strength. This is part of my journey.
I know this sounds like I'm making excuses (I am, I admit it). We had such a very difficult 18 months. Two team members on maturity leave (different times), one member out on family leave (twice), on-boarding three accounts (two at the same time), new staff member to handle new account, existing senior staff member transferred to another team, new staff to replace old staff, team merged with another team (their leader left to pursue another opportunity), new required system to learn, one staff member left agency, etc. YES, that is change! On top of that, we had a senior department head leave the agency (one that I depended on a lot to help us meet our client's needs).
I fully admit - I am NOT superwoman. I tried for a long time, but wasn't good enough in the end. That is a hard admission to make (especially for me). By the time March rolled around, I started to cry. I have never cried because of work. This wasn't just tears - this was full out crying. I never did cry at work thank goodness - but I'd cry in the car or at home. It would just hit me. I was so miserable. I knew I couldn't continue, but how could I let myself down (admit that work got the better of me)?, how could I let down the people that depended on me most (my wonderful team)? how could I let my husband down, my boss down, my clients down? I couldn't leave.
There were many reasons - dedication, loyalty, still liked what I was doing, who I was working with, my clients, but probably most the fear of looking for a job. Putting myself out there. I'm sure others feel this way - does anyone like looking for a job? Fear of not paying the bills, fear of not finding a place that wants me, fear of not finding the right job for me to be happy. These are scary times.
In the end, I didn't have a choice. God made that choice for me because he knew I would put up with the misery for years. So how do I fix this fault of mine? How do I recovery from this weakness? I pray everyday that God gives me the strength. This is part of my journey.
Monday, August 29, 2011
The loss of Ellie
I'm not sure where this belongs in chronology of my journey, so I'm posting it here because it still weighs so heavy on my heart.
We lost Ellie on July 23, 2011. We only had her for five short years. She had a tumor on her pituitary gland that caused her to develop Cushing's Disease. She was first diagnosed with Cushings in November 2010. The medicine didn't work and we started suspecting something else was wrong - symptoms got worse and her conditioned worsened. We did what we could, but couldn't save her.
Ellie was a Boxer. She was almost a miniature - so adorable, so full of personality, and the most affectionate dog I have ever known. She used to sit on my shoulder as if she were a parrot or on my husband's lap. Thank goodness she only weighed 58lbs at her heaviest.
The reason I'm sharing this story is because there is a reason for everything. I think one of the reasons I was home all summer was to spend time with her and to take care of her. I was given the gift to be with her during her final months.
We lost Ellie on July 23, 2011. We only had her for five short years. She had a tumor on her pituitary gland that caused her to develop Cushing's Disease. She was first diagnosed with Cushings in November 2010. The medicine didn't work and we started suspecting something else was wrong - symptoms got worse and her conditioned worsened. We did what we could, but couldn't save her.
Ellie was a Boxer. She was almost a miniature - so adorable, so full of personality, and the most affectionate dog I have ever known. She used to sit on my shoulder as if she were a parrot or on my husband's lap. Thank goodness she only weighed 58lbs at her heaviest.
The reason I'm sharing this story is because there is a reason for everything. I think one of the reasons I was home all summer was to spend time with her and to take care of her. I was given the gift to be with her during her final months.
I have my moments of sadness - she really left a hole in my heart and our lives. I have wonderful memories of her. My husband, on the other hand, is having a difficult time moving on. How can I help him? He's read the Rainbow Bridge (thanks to a friend and our vet sharing this poem). I believe Ellie will be waiting for us. Grief is a terrible thing.
Being Fearless (Part 1)
This summer I started going back to church. A good friend invited us to Northpoint Community Church to hear Andy Stanley and enjoy the great music program they have. [If you're not familiar with Andy, listen to one of his messages (available online for free) and you'll be hooked. He has a great sense of humor and ties every day stuff to the scriptures (he also wears jeans to church on Sunday). Don't mistake Andy with his dad, Dr. Charles Stanley, - they are very different.]
Andy's second message in the current series is Recovery Road. Lots of different types of recovery, but in his second message Andy talks about the true road to recovery (alcoholism, prejudices, phobias, blaming others, etc.) and one very important step is making a searching and fearless moral inventory of yourself. You have to take responsibility for everything. [I should mention that this is Step 4 of the 12 Step program from AA.]
I am fortunate not to have any addictions in my life. I fully admit, I do enjoy a glass or two of wine in the evening. I do have some issues though and I'll devote a post to each of them (it won't be that bad or that long a list). If my husband reads them, he might be able to add a few - but we'll see if he pays attention. And for my friends that know me well, please feel free to add to my list. My feelings will not get hurt (and if they do, I'll get over it) -- I am trying to be a better person and if there is something you notice that I don't, please let me know.
In this post, I do want to say why this journey is so important: God spoke to me a couple of months ago. He has always been with me, but he spoke to me.
Andy's second message in the current series is Recovery Road. Lots of different types of recovery, but in his second message Andy talks about the true road to recovery (alcoholism, prejudices, phobias, blaming others, etc.) and one very important step is making a searching and fearless moral inventory of yourself. You have to take responsibility for everything. [I should mention that this is Step 4 of the 12 Step program from AA.]
I am fortunate not to have any addictions in my life. I fully admit, I do enjoy a glass or two of wine in the evening. I do have some issues though and I'll devote a post to each of them (it won't be that bad or that long a list). If my husband reads them, he might be able to add a few - but we'll see if he pays attention. And for my friends that know me well, please feel free to add to my list. My feelings will not get hurt (and if they do, I'll get over it) -- I am trying to be a better person and if there is something you notice that I don't, please let me know.
In this post, I do want to say why this journey is so important: God spoke to me a couple of months ago. He has always been with me, but he spoke to me.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Personal Vision Statement
How many of you have personal vision statements? I'm working on mine and hope to have mine complete in a few days. It takes a lot of thought and reflection.
Please share yours if you have one. How do you know where you're going if you don't have a plan?
Please share yours if you have one. How do you know where you're going if you don't have a plan?
Friday, August 26, 2011
Sequence of Events - One thing leads to another (Part 1)
When I left my last job, it was such a relief. I was so happy (for myself). But I grieved for my team. I felt I had betrayed their trust in me and felt I was deserting them in their hour (year ?) of need. (I'll talk more about this in future blogs.)
So the first week I was home, I had some time on my hands. I decided to visit one of my Facebook friend's group page and see what was going on. I needed some reassurance and encouragement. And Terry specializes in Inspiration. InspirationAtWork@groups.facebook.com
From there he had a post from February 2011 where he was talking with Laurie Beth Jones -- one of his mentors and an author of several books. I listened to the recording and immediately decided to read one of her books. The only one at the book store was Jesus, Life Coach.
This book spoke to me! This was the dose of medicine I needed. It confirmed everything I felt and knew (even though I was doubting myself and even God).
More to come, but if you've read this book - let me know. She has a knack for writing! If you haven't read this book and you're a believer or maybe you've been so busy (like I had become) and you've lost your way - READ this book.
So the first week I was home, I had some time on my hands. I decided to visit one of my Facebook friend's group page and see what was going on. I needed some reassurance and encouragement. And Terry specializes in Inspiration. InspirationAtWork@groups.facebook.com
From there he had a post from February 2011 where he was talking with Laurie Beth Jones -- one of his mentors and an author of several books. I listened to the recording and immediately decided to read one of her books. The only one at the book store was Jesus, Life Coach.
This book spoke to me! This was the dose of medicine I needed. It confirmed everything I felt and knew (even though I was doubting myself and even God).
More to come, but if you've read this book - let me know. She has a knack for writing! If you haven't read this book and you're a believer or maybe you've been so busy (like I had become) and you've lost your way - READ this book.
My "King of the World" Moment
A couple days ago my career coach (I'll give more detail on why I have a career coach in upcoming posts) asked me what my "I'm king of the world" moment in my career was. I knew it instantly and it made me smile. That moment was almost four years ago - and nothing since has come close. So the more I thought about it, the more sad I became - but it's also one of the reasons I am where I am (and happy about it). My boss and I landed a huge account - we worked so hard on this pitch and thought we were underdogs going into it. We did have a few others help us, but it was pretty much her and I.
We landed it! The account should have been a signature account for the agency. About six months into the relationship, all we heard from the executive committee was "You're not making a profit - we're losing money". They slowing started to chip away at my spirit. We worked our butt off and did some great work (I'm proud of that and they will never take that away from me). Bottom line, we lost the account after two years. We had to raise our fees and the nonprofit said "we're sorry to hear that, we need to cut back".
The corporate world - I understand turning a profit, but they lost sight of the big picture. It would have attracted more business and larger accounts than what they were used to handling.
This "event" was a big one on my journey to enlightenment.
Why this was the "I'm king of the world" moment for me:
* Our hard work paid off - we nailed it!
* We were strategic
* We were creative
* We had great teamwork and collaborated
* I presented well (not one of my favorite things to do)
* We liked our clients and they have a good mission
These are things that I enjoy and why I do what I do.
What's your "I'm king of the world" moment?
We landed it! The account should have been a signature account for the agency. About six months into the relationship, all we heard from the executive committee was "You're not making a profit - we're losing money". They slowing started to chip away at my spirit. We worked our butt off and did some great work (I'm proud of that and they will never take that away from me). Bottom line, we lost the account after two years. We had to raise our fees and the nonprofit said "we're sorry to hear that, we need to cut back".
The corporate world - I understand turning a profit, but they lost sight of the big picture. It would have attracted more business and larger accounts than what they were used to handling.
This "event" was a big one on my journey to enlightenment.
Why this was the "I'm king of the world" moment for me:
* Our hard work paid off - we nailed it!
* We were strategic
* We were creative
* We had great teamwork and collaborated
* I presented well (not one of my favorite things to do)
* We liked our clients and they have a good mission
These are things that I enjoy and why I do what I do.
What's your "I'm king of the world" moment?
Thursday, August 25, 2011
My Oprah Moment
Oprah celebrated 25 years of hosting her own show earlier this year - and she celebrated by ending her show and moving on to a new challenge. It just so happens that I too celebrated 25 years in the corporate environment. I devoted my career helping nonprofits in their fundraising efforts and to help them further their mission.
Prior to May, I never watched an Oprah episode. But I was lucky enough to watch her final 10 shows. In her last show she talked about "Her calling" and that everyone has a "calling". Maybe you haven't discovered it yet or perhaps you're not hearing God's message to you. I wish I wrote down Oprah's words, but she said something like - if you don't listen, he'll start knocking you over the head. Well, he knocked me upside, downside and on top of my head!
I'm ready for my new challenge - to recognize my calling. How about you? If you know your's, please share it. If you don't, are you listening?
Prior to May, I never watched an Oprah episode. But I was lucky enough to watch her final 10 shows. In her last show she talked about "Her calling" and that everyone has a "calling". Maybe you haven't discovered it yet or perhaps you're not hearing God's message to you. I wish I wrote down Oprah's words, but she said something like - if you don't listen, he'll start knocking you over the head. Well, he knocked me upside, downside and on top of my head!
I'm ready for my new challenge - to recognize my calling. How about you? If you know your's, please share it. If you don't, are you listening?
The Jump Start
My boss was preparing a presentation for a conference. She selected TOMS shoes as a case study. She made the presentation to my team first and it got me interested in the founder, Blake Mycoskie. I was so lucky to hear his story in person - he was key note speaker at the conference. He has a remarkable story if you haven't heard it. His story really inspired me and really made me think hard about what I was doing in my career. He spoke about the feeling he gets when he puts shoes on a child for the first time - their world and his world changes at that same moment. I've never had that feeling of changing a person's life and it made me want that experience.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Tonight
Tonight I made the decision to start a blog. It came to me yesterday - just randomly (maybe). I'm starting this blog to share my journey of enlightenment. I wish I started this months ago - well maybe not - because it's just now dawning on me how important this time of my life is.
Upon a quick reflection, my enlightenment probably started years ago - I just wasn't in tune with how my life was progressing. The jump start moment happened back in March or around that time. I didn't mark it on my calendar because I don't do stuff like that. I don't think a date stamp is important. Things happen - and they happen for a reason. We might not realize it at the time, but they do. And even if it's something bad it probably isn't in the long run. There is a plan, we just don't know what it is. I am a firm believer in God. He has a plan.
Upon a quick reflection, my enlightenment probably started years ago - I just wasn't in tune with how my life was progressing. The jump start moment happened back in March or around that time. I didn't mark it on my calendar because I don't do stuff like that. I don't think a date stamp is important. Things happen - and they happen for a reason. We might not realize it at the time, but they do. And even if it's something bad it probably isn't in the long run. There is a plan, we just don't know what it is. I am a firm believer in God. He has a plan.
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