Good manners can help you live longer.

One of my favorite things to do, is to go out to dinner. I enjoy sitting in a booth next to my husband, reading the menus and thinking how delicious my meal will be, someone waiting on our every need, and best of all - taking our dirty plates away. My husband would say, dessert is his best part of eating out.

My husband and I have always been thankful for good servers, saying "thank you" for everything they give us - a refill on our waters, a pour from our wine bottle, more olive oil, etc. We like good service and really appreciate and enjoy exceptional service. We are generous tippers and never tip less than 15% (even when the service is terrible). We have friends that are servers and know they depend on tips to pay bills and make ends meet. Their job is not an easy one. They have to pretend to be happy even when they are in a bad mood and nice when they have the rudest customers (and we have definitely seen some very rude and stingy customers).

I'm sure servers like getting good tips and even happier when they receive cash. But I would bet they would enjoy their jobs more if people said "thank you" more often and genuinely appreciate their time and effort. Many studies have shown that being appreciated is a better motivator than money - not sure they surveyed servers, but I'm sure it would make it easier to go to work if they knew more people would say "thank you" and really appreciate the work they do.

According to Goldie and her researchers, saying "thank you", expressing gratitude, actually makes YOU "happier, kinder, more generous to others, better able to cope with stress, and less lonely"! And it doesn't cost anything and only takes a second or two to express. Goldie also writes, "In all, thankfulness adds an average of seven years to our lives." I find that amazing.

Next time you are at a restaurant - take out or sit down - remember to say "Thank You" and you may just live another seven years longer!

How else do you show your appreciation to your servers and restaurant staff?

A Salute to our Veterans.

I can't help not being a little self serving in this post - so full disclosure... As some of you may know, I served in the US Navy for almost five years (1980-1985). It was one of the best experiences I've ever had. We were not at war. Times were different. 

I entered the military at the end of summer following my high school graduation. I made my decision when I was in 10th grade. I don't know what prompted my decision, but I was unwavering once I did -- and it was an almost instantaneous decision. It wasn't something I pondered for long. I just knew that's what I needed to do. 

The military helped me to mature. I am very proud of my service to this country, but I am very uncomfortable in being recognized for this service. Perhaps it makes me unique (not many women serve), but certainly not special. 

I salute the men and women who make this decision and commitment -- especially during times of war and conflict. The service people killed defending our country and the values Americans hold dearly have made us the country we are today. Many sacrifices of human life have been made. Families have endured incredible heartache because of this service.

Service in the military is definitely a calling. It is not meant for everyone. So I salute the men and women who have served and will serve and to those families and friends that support this commitment and calling. Thank you!

Photo: 10 February 81. Graduation from USAF Technical Training School, Chanute AFB Illinois. AGAR Sanden 

Feeling sorry for myself.

Over the past week or so, I've been feeling a little down. I didn't get a job that I wanted. It wasn't THE job I wanted, but it was a job that had a lot of pluses. Very little commute, a place where I already had two friends, lots of new and fun opportunities, and a job that I knew I could do. But it lacked the one thing I really wanted in a job -- a place where I could get a tingling sensation of knowing I made an impact on someone's life. Sure, I spinned the job in a way that I could make an impact, but wasn't what I'm really looking for.

Maybe that job doesn't exist - or at least not where I'm looking. What I'm really looking for in a job is to be able to experience moments where someone touched my heart because of what I helped make happen. They don't even have to remember me or know it was me, but I want to see happiness as an outcome.

Several months ago, I was so confident that God told me my new calling or my purpose in life. It wasn't a drastic change from what I was already doing as a consultant, but it was a change. I've focused my job search trying to find that calling. Now, months later I still don't have a job. Maybe I didn't hear God at all, I just thought I did.

I pray an awful lot these days trying to find answers and to hear God speak to me again. I know sometimes He is inattentive, uncooperative and/or late. http://northpoint.org/messages/when-god, but I'm still not feeling the love. I know I'm being irrational. I know God has a plan. I know if it was meant to be it will happen - but please God, give me direction.

What's a girl to do?

Stop the Sunday night madness!

I can't believe I still struggle with falling asleep Sunday nights. I can't seem to shut my mind off. There is no other night of the week that causes me so much grief.

I no longer have thoughts about work and all the projects and deadlines that need to be met on Monday and the entire week - thank goodness. But now I have other thoughts that race through my mind. I keep myself awake rethinking through things.

As I mentioned a few weeks ago, I'm reading The Purpose Driven Life and every day I have a new challenge to think about and overcome. The book is definitely thought provoking. My most recent tribulation is remembering my childhood. Why you ask? Because life is about having relationships. I'm trying to recall if something happened with my sister. My sister is 3 1/2 years older than me - four school years. Some of my first memories are kindergarten. I can remember having my shadow profile being done, taking naps, and my kindergarten class room. I can even remember two of the girls in my class (I think). But I can't remember going to school with my sister. I have memories of first grade and second grade as well -- the only grades where my sister would be in the same school as me.

We took summer vacations every year as a family. I remember her being there, but I can't remember playing with her - ever. I remember summers in our neighborhood. We had so many kids on our block that there was always someone to play with. I'm pretty sure we both played cowboys and indians, kick the can, and Frisbee dodge - but I can't ever remember being close to my sister. I know nothing bad happened, or at least I'm pretty sure I'd remember having a fight with her.

Even as adults we aren't that close. I wish we were. I love my sister, but we don't share secrets or life's challenges or celebrations except for the one or two times a year we're together. We talk on the phone, but not often.

So, I have two challenges: 1. How do you get close with someone? 2. How do you shut off your Sunday mind?

Just three essential things

"Three grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for." - Joseph Addison


My something to do: 

• a job
• taking care of my house and property
• taking care of my friends and family
• helping as many people as I can reach their goals. 

My something to love: 

• God
• My husband
• My sons
• My dog
• My family
• My friends
• Nature.

My something to hope for:  

• A job that I enjoy doing
• Being able to travel
• A healthy comfortable life.  

What are your three essentials?

Holding my tongue.

I have a problem. I've been working on this problem for a while, but don't think I've come anywhere close to improving on it. I have a problem holding my tongue. I am sometimes blunt. And sometimes rude. I really do not intend to be rude -- it's not like I plan it or want to hurt someone's feelings. I just say things that I probably shouldn't or should be worded in a more subtle or kinder way.

I've been reading Proverbs every day for the past few months, in hopes of gaining wisdom and restraint. Here's a few verses that I have highlighted, underlined and/or asterisked.

• Proverbs 10:19b: "...he who holds his tongue is wise." 
• Proverbs 17:28: "Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue."

One piece of advice comes from one of the books I'm reading and that is to constantly think of God. If I can keep saying these verses in my head or keep saying to myself "say nothing, keeping your mouth shut", I should do better and sometimes I do. I'm trying to form a new habit and shutting down the old one - it's just taking longer than I hoped. 

That's why I rely on my friends to keep me in check. Call me on me being rude.  Proverbs 19:20: "Listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the end you will be wise." That is what I am counting on. 

Any other ideas on how to change this habit/impulse? I'll take all the advice I can get.

Re-creating Happiness!

I know some of us are more happy than others and unfortunately I do know a few very unhappy people. It's hard to change an unhappy person into a happy one, but I think you can work on it and make yourself happier (if you want to).

I know sometimes life can get you down and sometimes you dwell on unhappy thoughts - but you need to stop that. Being unhappy can make you sick and not much fun to be around. And who really enjoys being unhappy -- don't we want to be happy? Don't we want to laugh and enjoy life?

I discovered that I naturally practice one of the ways of re-creating happiness. I was reading chapter 10 in 10 Mindful Minutes, and Goldie suggests "memory building". According to Goldie, "each time we look at them [photos], we experience the happiness we first knew."

One of the first things I did when I bought my MAC was to upload as many vacation photos as I could. My screen saver rotates through my photos when I'm inactive. I love reliving the happiness as each photo pops up. It also strengthens my memory since I have to recall when, where, what and who in the one second the photo was taken and to do this quickly before the next photo pops up. My vacations are if they took place just minutes ago.

I love to travel and I find I am happiest when I'm off enjoying life without a thought of work in my mind and only a schedule guideline to dictate my day. By capturing my happiness in a photo, I ensure that I will remember it forever and can re-create it whenever I want to.

I haven't skied for years (not since I discovered Europe as my go-to place), but one of my happiest vacations took place at The Canyons, UT. It was a family trip plus one (Josh brought a friend) and our boys were grown. One reason this vacation was a happy one, was I saw my sons happy. They really enjoyed snowboarding and I was pretty impressed at how good they were. On one run I remember Zack passing me at the speed of light!

(The photo was taken at the base of one of the mountains at the end of the day. Zack, me, Jimmy, Josh, and Matt (Josh's friend). 


Let me know how you re-create happiness. I'll have several more posts on this topic in the coming days.

Be happy and pass it around!