I can't believe I still struggle with falling asleep Sunday nights. I can't seem to shut my mind off. There is no other night of the week that causes me so much grief.
I no longer have thoughts about work and all the projects and deadlines that need to be met on Monday and the entire week - thank goodness. But now I have other thoughts that race through my mind. I keep myself awake rethinking through things.
As I mentioned a few weeks ago, I'm reading The Purpose Driven Life and every day I have a new challenge to think about and overcome. The book is definitely thought provoking. My most recent tribulation is remembering my childhood. Why you ask? Because life is about having relationships. I'm trying to recall if something happened with my sister. My sister is 3 1/2 years older than me - four school years. Some of my first memories are kindergarten. I can remember having my shadow profile being done, taking naps, and my kindergarten class room. I can even remember two of the girls in my class (I think). But I can't remember going to school with my sister. I have memories of first grade and second grade as well -- the only grades where my sister would be in the same school as me.
We took summer vacations every year as a family. I remember her being there, but I can't remember playing with her - ever. I remember summers in our neighborhood. We had so many kids on our block that there was always someone to play with. I'm pretty sure we both played cowboys and indians, kick the can, and Frisbee dodge - but I can't ever remember being close to my sister. I know nothing bad happened, or at least I'm pretty sure I'd remember having a fight with her.
Even as adults we aren't that close. I wish we were. I love my sister, but we don't share secrets or life's challenges or celebrations except for the one or two times a year we're together. We talk on the phone, but not often.
So, I have two challenges: 1. How do you get close with someone? 2. How do you shut off your Sunday mind?
I remember going to the movies with you on Sundays. I am not close to my sisters either. I am close to my brothers. I am persistent with my sisters - I call every other week. This may sound morbid, but when I die, I can say I did everything I could to be a good sister. I invite them here to visit all the time. I send a gift at holidays of something they would want. I had my one sister here for two months! Do you want a close relationship? Do you do all that can be done to create that closeness? It is what you do, not them. Each sister is happy to here from me, but rarely do they call. So, every other week I pick up the phone and we talk - about nothing.
ReplyDeletePut a day aside and a time. Call. Every month on that day - a third sunday - and at that time. I will become a habit that will ease that pain. Ask her about your time with her.
My sisters and I are so different in every way. We never did stuff together when we were young, but we share a home of memories that we giggle about and argue about. We share parents and siblings. We share values and morals. We share our hearts every other week when I call.
sleeping I can't help you with at all! No matter what, I fall asleep. I know I do not have the power or oontrol over so much and let it go. I love to sleep. I am so anal that I would drive myself crazy if I let it get to me at night!
As an only child, I sadly don't have sibling-specific advice, but I think when trying to get close to someone the key is just to spend time together and closeness will follow. So maybe just try inviting her over for coffee or set up regular phone calls or such.
ReplyDeleteBarbara, these are BOTH issues that I struggle with! As the youngest of 7 siblings, there is only 1 that I talk to on a regular basis. And even that relationship has been strained over the last year and a half of a roller coaster that has been my life. I have struggled with my familial relationships because at a time when I needed them most, they did not come through. And for me, it's hard to just forgive that, move on, and let them back in.
ReplyDeleteSundays are also my insomnia nights. Last night I was awake until almost 3am just desperate for an off button to my brain. I was exhausted too, which was more frustrating that I couldn't sleep. I have been trying Melatonin and Chamomile tea- some nights they work, others not. I always thought this was hereditary because I remember my mother always struggles wtih Sunday night insomnia when she was working. Perhaps it's a more widespread epidemic.